SHUT UP!!

Listen I know you are passionate about subject x, but some of us have to be here, some mean person made it mandatory. Please keep your boring ass subject to the maximum 15 minute time limit, or I will rip your head off. Can you not see us sleeping? I'm in the fourth row back, can you see me now? I'm the one doing the sleeping head bob next to the girl that is drooling on herself, who is right behind the guy that is loudly snoring. I know you spent months on this but wrap-it-up, no one cares. The girl before you was nice enough to keep it down to 10 minutes and I almost ran up and kissed her. I don't even know your name and I actively seek your death. SHUT UP!!

Oops

So I love the library. I've always loved the library. When I was little I would go there for hours sit on the floor and stare at musty pages through my over sized glasses. So after so many happy (but yet nerdily sad) hours how can I be so cruel to the institution that was once so kind to me? Yep that's right I, a lover of the library, became part of it's most wanted list.

I somehow managed to rack up $102.50 in library bills.

It started to innocently too. I checked out The Affects of Oral (he he) Satire, for a class, and I read a good five pages out of about 250. So far so good. But then summer comes around and I head out of town and then I moved and completely forgot about this stupid little book. Now it's been six months and a few irate emails from the library and I finally return the book (it took some serious searching but good news I found a pair of shoes that I thought were completely gone). Now every time I head to the library I feel like I have a huge sign on me that reads BOOK THIEF, I swear the librarian glare at me as I walk by.

But my question is do I still owe $102.50? I mean the book wasn't that great.

Flying

I'm not a fan of flying. Don't like going to the airport, I hate taking off and landing is just evil. A huge tin can should not be soaring through the air. But a couple of times a year I suck it up and get on one of those flying death traps and start praying like I haven't for months. This year I'm headed to San Diego for Thanksgiving and so I'm lucky enough to travel on the busiest day of the year.

Flying into San Diego always gives me pause. You'd think in a place with almost perpetual sunshine the airline employees would be a tad bit happier. But last time I was there I got chosen for a random bag check. Which is fine but as I stood at the table, as the security lady rifled through my bag, I noticed a shelf above her head. On this random shelf were two items, a box of latex gloves and the biggest jug of Vaseline I've ever seen.

After seeing that I answered every question with a "yes ma'am," "no ma'am." And it seemed to have worked as I wasn't violated in the name of national security. But ever since then the San Diego airport has always given me the heebie geebies.

Published

It's official, I've finally been paid for writing. Sure it wont cover even one car payment but that is not the point. The editors didn't change that much but they did add a reference from wikipedia that I'm a little peeved about, if they asked I could have found a reputable source.

But I'm still pretty excited. So yeah!!

Where am I?

I live in lovely Menlo Park which I have decided is the scariest place on earth. It's so Stepford here. Apparently khaki is the uniform and every house comes with two loud children and the Eddie Bauer off-road baby stroller. I walk around downtown and expect passersby to break into choreographed song and dance numbers at any minute.

Every morning I leave around 9:30am and as I pass the local coffee shop (which of course is located right next to the world's most saccharinely sweet park that has live music for the whole family on Wednesday nights during the summer) and I notice families carrying their mocha chinos, pushing their designer baby strollers with a cute little dog running around their ankles. This wouldn't be so odd but it's a week day, who the crap is working in these families? The coffee shop is full of these happy, gap clad yuppies that are doing nothing (OK at this point one might point out my lack of a real job and the fact that I'm starting my day out at 9:30). Although I readily admit I'm probably just jealous.

Of course when I do walk around I'm pretty sure that I have "outsider" stamped on my forehead. I think maybe my unbrushed hair and clothes from yesterday and are a dead give. I went to go get bagels one Sunday morning at an early 11am, and two old people actually glared at me as I walked into the bagel cafe.

I must admit this place does not feel like home. But I like the apartment so I'll learn to live with the weirdos in the neighborhood. And the naked neighbor who's girlfriend is always yelling at him is at least entertaining.

Yummy

So the last few days I have had some weird cravings (no I'm not). Usually I crave bacon western cheese burgers, caramellos or soft serve ice creams, it changes from week to week. This week I've been craving avocados and cheddar cheese. I think it's because of the SoCal fires destroying large quantities of this year's crop, and me wondering if there will be any guacamole come Superbowl.

Sure A looked at me a little weird when I walked in with some avocados and a big block of cheese. But it was soo tasty, and I feel all good because I've had two servings of fruits and vegetables today. I am so healthy.

Musings of a grammatical idiot

In a class of about 30 students a good 80% of them have their laptops open. Of the screens that I can see all of two students actually have the assignment that the teacher is talking about up (I fall into the larger category). Most of the students are online but there are a few that are typing away in Word. The girl in front of me is checking out sales at target, the girl next to her is checking her SJSU account while the guy next to her is messing with his photographs. Why don’t we care about our education?

As I’ve returned to school after a protracted break I usually am a much better student. I try to pay attention and do my homework. But I must admit that this class is pretty boring and my friend I sit next to isn't here today, and he usually unconsciously guilts me into paying attention because he is, so my mind is wandering. It’s an editing class (which I truly need help in) and the 1000-year-old professor is trying teach us Indesign with mixed results. I think most of the students have at least messed around in the program before or they just really don’t care. Either way nobody is paying any attention to the old professor.

I think the best and worst part of the class is that it is co-taught by two professors that don’t always (never) agree on things. It’s both great and frustrating because they bicker in class about what the different editing rules are or how the A.P. guide says something. It’s funny, but on the downside I don’t know if I’m learning that much.

Guess I should have paid more attention in class as all I did was copy edit at my internship, because the copy editor is out of town and they have no one else. Oh well at least I got to read the paper two days before everyone else.